By now, some of you that follow this blog have picked up on the most recent theme of our posts. Those who we have looked to for wisdom beyond these brick walls have posed the following questions to our community leaders: why do you live and invest in Atangard and what makes it worth it to you? These questions and the like are what we are seeking to answer in our most recent entries.

When I first got involved in this community I did so with no intention of becoming a resident. My first motive was to get involved because I had friends who where excited and implicated. My second was probably the prospect of new friendships. As well, at the time I was unemployed and awaiting summer work, so I had an ample amount of time that needed to be occupied (which was, thanks to the renovation process). After I got involved and started to experience the passion and excitement of those around me, I too started to look ahead in anticipation of this downtown community.

Nine months later, however, I moved in and six months after that I stepped into a position as a director. At that point, mostly do to the responses that I had received from those I spoke to regarding this project, I realized that it was different and special, and possibly a bit counter cultural. Being a fairly social, 24 year old sociology student, the idea of living in a communal setting with well over 20 people was extremely attractive. Further still, after being asked if I wanted to become a director, I did so because I thought it would be a good way to involve myself.

I think it is important to mention that I have been physically absent from the community for 4 of the 7 months that I have been a resident. During this time, I had been left with a similar ideal and understanding of the community as I did when I was first involved. And now, after living here for the past few months, amongst many who have been here since the beginning, I find myself with an ambiguous understanding of community living.

Perhaps, it may be helpful to compare my own position living here with that of the Christian walk of faith. When one becomes a Christian, it seems, there is much passion for a relationship with Christ and a desire to pursue a godly life; however, there may be a severe lack of understanding in how this relationship should play out. Of course, one is expected to mature and grow in their faith so that they may have a more holistic grasp on what it means to be in a relationship with Christ. This is where I find myself in the ethos of community living. I have the desire to pursue living in this community, but, I am still trying to work out what it entails.
I feel like my situation may not be an isolated one. I think that many others who live here are in a similar position or at least share different (and possibly conflicting) ideas regarding community living. Out of this I have two current, overarching reasons for investing in this place.

1.I am at a loss for a proper and holistic understanding of what community living is, why it is valuable, why it is so difficult, and what learned here can transcend our specific situation and help us consider the world around us and our relationship with God. I hope that living here will help me grow in this respect and I feel that since I live here and participate in leadership, it is my responsibility to do so. This conviction I find is in harmony with a verse in the book of James: `Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly` (James 3:1).

2.I am falling in love with those whom I share this space and experience. There is something to be said about the power of the physical to bring people together. For me, this building and the relationships it sponsors has the ability to promote spiritual connections between people, similar to that of shared genetics within a family. I hope to one day leave this place, forever affected by my experience here, taking with me many lasting relationships.

These are the most important reasons why I live and invest in this place and why this investment is worth the next few years of my life.

If I was asked that question two or three years ago, the answer would have been quite different. Of course not unrecognizably so, but removed enough that one could be forgiven for thinking I was speaking of a different place. In a sense I was…. Atangard is no longer that attractive, exciting, intangible ideal that was developing in the fall of 2007 and is now a somewhat mundane reality. Not that it is boring; Oh by no means! Rather it is no longer cerebral, it has become very physical. To put it another way, for me in this past year Atangard has gone from almost completely philosophical to nearly entirely practical. Don’t get me wrong, I would not change a moment of this reality to return to those days of imagining it, but I do miss those days.

I guess in order to describe accurately what Atangard means to me now, I must reconcile it with what it was to me in the past and what I want it to be in the future. I will try to do that in a single phrase but it will be at the expense of all the other ideas, actions and relationships that make up the essence of Atangard.

What Atangard was to me: A place where the current social trend of isolationism and individualism will be countered.

What Atangard is to me: A place where strangers become friends and we learn to love people despite our selfishness.

What I Want Atangard to be: A place where people’s passions are shared by others in both thought and action.

Of course just because I was, doesn’t mean it is that no longer nor just because I desire it for the future is it not here and now, yet this is where i feel the mindset of the majority lies right now and where I want it to go.

Over the past year, two years, three years, people have asked why are you doing this. I’ve always had an answer, it sometimes changes. Or maybe there are so many reasons that it seems my answer changes, but it is actually only part of the whole. But as of late it has come up again. It is something that Ron Dart and Father Michael emphasized, and in trying times it is something that I ask myself. Why am I doing this. It’s good to revisit. It’s good to be certain. So here are some of my reasons.

When I moved home from California, I didn’t really have any friends. Maybe a few. When your that far removed, you don’t even really know where to find some like-minded folk. I realized that the strongest relationships I had were with people I’d lived with. Vonnegut said it well. “What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
Reason #1. To create a place that can facilitate real and lasting relationships. Exposure to new and different people. A home to welcome others.

When I came home from traveling I hated how our lives were built around aquiring stuff, building our career, and independence.
Reason #2. To fight the American dream, the culture of independence and self-promotion. To be able to live for less to save money and time to be able to put into relationships, art, music, and other endeavors. To create a culture that is alive, people that take risks and try new things.

These are perhaps the main reasons. The “ideal” that I hold onto. I love it when I look over these things and recognize how different aspects of it are being fulfilled. There is always more room for growth and change.

For me personally. I have found some ‘like-minded folk.” Sometimes it seems like I may have found more non-like-minded folk, but that is okay. Thats the exposure to different people. I’ve met and gotten to know many wonderful people, be it residents, short term visitors, long term visitors and those in the neighborhood. And I’ve gotten to engage in different projects just for kicks, utilizing the talents and interests of many of these wonderful people. I am excited to see what else takes place in these next years.

Lately, I’ve realized that I may be one of the only residents here that doesn’t have a bicycle of some sort. I’ve been keeping an eye out for the bike that I will purchase and make my own, and thanks to a few of my roommates, I have a fairly good idea of what I am looking for.

Last Saturday, a friend and I made our way to a local antique hotspot in search of my future two-wheeled beauty. We found an old grey twelve speed that had potential if I could get it for the right price. The right price, however, was low, since I would have had to spend a lot of money making it into want I really wanted: it was an old, heavy, twelve speed rather than a freshly painted, light, fixed gear. I took the fully functioning bike to its owner and asked how much he wanted for it. As it was, he wanted quite a lot more than I was willing to pay. Our disagreement over the value of the bike was very obvious. I saw the bike as one that would require a significant post-purchase investment, and he saw the bike as is, being in perfectly good operational shape. Neither of us was right or wrong, it’s just that we had very different opinions about what the future of the bike should be, which in turn affected our opinion about the bikes current worth.

Recently, my thoughts regarding community living have occupied a sizable amount of mental real estate. I’ve been wondering what, in a practical sense, community living should look like. Further, I’ve tried to remember what people had initially hoped living here would be like and then attempted to compare those initial expectations with, after a years time, what we now experience. It seems, especially after the last house meeting, that we have been struggling in many ways as a community. Let me suggest two possible ways to deal with this unrest:

With only a slight change in operational structuring, we could, if desired, just settle and become an edgy little dormitory. By this I mean that we could ditch the community ideal almost completely and settle for just enough involvement with each other to keep the communal spaces clean and people comfortable.

OR

As some have suggested, we could work towards reviving the very personal, intimate, loving, honest, and sometimes painful pursuit of living and actively engaging each other.

What we have to do is decide whether or not this community is one that is currently fulfilling its purpose or if we each need to invest more, or perhaps in different ways, to pursue something beyond Atangards current culture.

I left empty handed and bike-less last weekend, refusing to compromise my understanding of its worth and my vision for it. I still need to find that bike, the one that is fit to purchase and pursue. For us residents, we live here, in downtown Abbotsford, on the second floor of the Fraser Valley Inn. Fortunately, we’ve already found a community that we value and have justified our involvement in. Do we choose to keep this place as is, discontinue any significant investment and ride it out until its broken; or do we continue the pursuit to change it into something beautiful, a shared vision of community in which we all equally partake?

This decision, or the like, each one of us will have to make and continually pursue.
Hopefully we can do so in unity.

Love,
jordan